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The Inside Line, Who's Who in the Zoo

The Inside Line: Your Board of Competition Stewards

Hydro-Derby's rise was inevitabre.. inevit... inevitabre... Inevitabre!

From its earliest days as a germ of an idea conceived atop the grand piano of a Surry Hills bar the Hydro-Derby has required an invisible hand to chart its trajectory into the Eternal Parthenon of World Sporting Glory.

The smell of rich mahogany and leather bound books at Hydro-HQ

The Board of Competition Stewards formed its first quorum at the Golden Bowling Ball in the lead up to 2011’s 2nd Annual Pittwater Hydro-Derby Summer Invitational with the sole directive to enhance the competition for all and see to it’s world domination. So who are these enigma’s of World Sport and should Bernie Ecclestone really be this worried about them?

Bernie dons his 'Conflict Sombrero' to take on Hydro-Derby's rising popularity...

R.M Burns – As the Hydro-Derby “Codfather” it was his gin addled synapses that were responsible for the fateful Hydro-Derby misfire early one morning… somewhere between firing out the last ‘Sledgehammer’ order and deciding it was time for a medicinal kebab, this little gem emerged. A veteran of the victorious “Red Rockets” team of 2009 and “Team Zissou” who were runners up in 2011 he’s a reformist who’s keen to push Hydro-Derby to new heights of competitor and spectator involvement. Watch for his signature Hydro-Derby move of unleashing a serious Depth-Charge and riding it’s crashing wave into Hydro-Gala oblivion… certainly not to be trusted after 6pm!!!

P.E Ward – Another of the “Red Rocket” alumni from 2009, P.E mounted a valiant challenge in 2011 with “Team Legio XIII Ebrius Maximus” who were renowned for their snappy attire and deep engagement with the call of nature during the Competitive Window… It’s all about the pure Hydro-Derby experience for P.E with its inherent challenges and the tactical trials they place on teams. As inventor of the 2011 score-card and refiner of the OTS formula we’re all looking forward to his competitors innovations for 2012.

N.A Maltiz – Twice the bridesmaid with his beloved “Triumphant Touristic Trawlers”  N.A is looking to deliver the smack-down come 2012. Having allegedly proven he can catch a fish with 2009’s notorious Flathead-gate incident and then following that up with a death defying DP score in 2011 the form is there… An integral member of the Board his often pint-fueled preposterous postulates provide punctuation to piscatorial proceedings! With his heart set of Hydro-Derby World Domination woe betide any who stand in his path!



2 thoughts on “The Inside Line: Your Board of Competition Stewards

  1. Look, just because I’ve headbutted a electrical box, urinated off a public wharf, prank called every competitor in the Hydro-Derby and left unsavory voice-mails, lashed out at passers by whilst passed out, unreservedly been a bit of a creep, thrown sushi on the floor, piloted a tinnie up a set of stairs, sworn at loved ones and eaten too many Cheesels after two consecutive Depth-Charges that directly contributed to a) a WIN in 2009 and b) a 2nd place in 2011… does that make me a loose unit or a committed team player???

    I put it to you all that the Hydro-Derby is a a contest of fortitude… who will jump on that six pack of OP Rum land mine? Will you jump in front of that speeding bottle of Absolute and take one for the team? Do you really have what it takes?

    HD3: Beyond Thunderdome… it’s time to find out what your liver is really made of.

    Posted by Rusty | October 4, 2011, 5:17 pm

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